WHATS GOING ON! ! ! ! ! ! !

I FIND THE NEED TO HAVE A CHILD VERY PRESSING. I HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD BE MARRIED BY NOW AND HAVE A FAMILY. INSTEAD I AM FORCED TO WATCH PEOPLE THAT HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING PARENTS HAVE CHILD AFTER CHILD AND I JUST STAND ON THE SIDE LINES.. I KNOW THAT I SOUND A LITTER BITTER BUT I AM NOT. I AM HAPPY WITH MY LIFE AND I KNOW THAT ALL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN THEY ARE MEANT TO, ITS JUST THAT SOMETIMES I HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHY MY LIFE IS AT A STAND STILL. ITS LIKE I AM WAITING FOR SOMETHING MAJOR TO HAPPEN BUT IT NEVER DOES.

I WANT SO MANY THINGS OUT OF LIFE BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I AM STUCK. I AM 33 AND I AM STILL WITH MY PARENTS I HAVEN'T FINISHED COLLEGE YET AND MY JOB IS A DEAD END JOB. EVERYTHING I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN HAS NOT. WHEN I DO GET THINGS GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION THE RUG GETS PULLED OUT FORM UNDER ME. I AM TIRED OF GETTING LIED TO BY MEN AND USED BY FRIENDS. SO ALL I DO IS STAY AT HOME OR DRIVE MY MOM AROUND. I HAVE TOTALLY GIVEN UP.

I WANT TO FINISH SCHOOL AND GET MY LIFE STARTED. I KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A MAN TO MAKE ME HAPPY, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE LOVED FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. I KNOW THAT I CAN ADOPT CHILDREN AND THERE ARE OTHER WAYS OF BEING A MOM, ITS JUST THAT I WANTED A DAD TO GO ALONG WITH THE WHOLE DEAL.... I FEEL LIKE I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME... 40 IS NOT TO FAR AWAY AND I WANT MY OWN LIFE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DEAL IS.